Club Treasurer Makes One Too Many Jokes About Owning a Yacht

Valerie Fool - Believable Fake

Long-time treasurer of Division II Nationals team Huff’n’Puff Ultimate has this morning refused to apologise for her latest spree of casual embezzlement jokes. Mary Lamb has been in charge of HPU’s finances since 2010, and has been making twice-a-week gags about syphoning the funds through Panama and paying off her mortgage for this entire period.

Huff’n’Puff Ultimate leadership believe ‘all the yacht jokes’ are starting to wear thin on club morale, leading to late payments. Rookies, in particular, are prone to Okay Boomer-ing Mrs Lamb at every available opportunity, often while muttering about how it ‘must be nice to even have a mortgage to begin with.’

Stalwarts of HPU with disposable incomes don’t seem to have as much of a problem with the jokes—in fact, they pretty actively set the jokes up. Among Mary Lamb’s greatest ever hits are: ‘22 on the roster this season! Maybe I can buy that second house!’ and ‘Please pay on time, my kids aren’t going to fund private school themselves.’ She also posted a fake bitcoin certificate in the team slack with the caption, ‘We’re I’m rich!’ 

Though dissent is growing in the HPU ranks, it’s unlikely any real action will be taken against their long-serving treasurer because it’s a shit job and no one else wants to do it. The occasional good natured joke about white collar crime seems a worthy price for the team to pay for a comprehensive expenses spreadsheet at the end of the season—although one rookie studying finance was recently overheard having a pretty heated exchange about the ‘rightful owner’ of compounded interest.

Updates to follow.